Monday, April 12, 2010

Week Four - Elation, Accomplishment, Frustration and Restraint.

Those four words pretty much describe my entire week. It is incredible to think that I experienced each word in its direct order throughout my workouts this past week, and it is quite an amazing situation when I'm on the treadmill and my mind is fighting my body. It's an almost out of body experience - I feel like I have no direct say in what goes on with my body while I'm on that treadmill. I can only intervene and ask permission to continue, which is what my mind wants, but my body? Let's just say it wants the complete opposite!

Week Four's Workout is as follows:

Brisk 5 minute warm up walk, then:

- Jog 1/4 mile (3 minutes)
- Walk 1/8 mile (90 seconds)
- Jog 1/2 mile (5 minutes)
- Walk 1/4 mile (2-1/2 minutes)
- Jog 1/4 mile (3 minutes)
- Walk 1/8 mile (90 seconds)
- Jog 1/2 mile (5 minutes)

Day One: I am very, very nervous and apprehensive about what I'm going to do today. Five minutes of jogging seems like such a long time, and I hope I can do it. We exercised in the lower level of the gym today, and for some reason I feel stronger down there - there aren't as many people so maybe that's why. Anyway, I put on my inspirational song by Seether (Rise Above This) as I'm warming up and it gets me pumped up. As I go into the first stretch, I'm feeling great. My lungs are nice and clear, and my legs feel strong and full of energy. I walk the 1/8 mile, and then it's time for the 5 minutes. I mentally prepare myself and then, like Nike would say, I just did it. Simple as that. I remember thinking, "Well that was easy!"

I continued on through the entire workout with great energy, great focus, and great strength. As I finished that last 5 minute stretch, I couldn't help but grin like an idiot. If any of the other treadmillers caught a glimpse of me, they would have thought I was insane. I felt such an enormous sense of accomplishment at this point. It's like I'm making these giant leaps day by day, physically, mentally, and spiritually. It's a feeling I feel I will never be able to put into words. My results for today: 2.25 miles in 30 minutes.

Day Two: Pretty much the same as day one. I complete the workout with ease - I can feel the strength in my legs intensify with each move and each breath, and I focus on that. I feel that strength radiate into my soul, and it powers me on to accomplish this great task, and also in other aspects of my life. I am gaining confidence in myself and my abilities, and it shows.

Day Three: Then the walls come crashing down. The day is a little overcast today, and I wonder if it's affecting my mood and energy. Nevertheless, I continue on to the trusty treadmill. Today I have a partner with me, who I like to think is inspired by my blog, but she says she has been praying for someone or something to help her live a healthier lifestyle, and maybe this is it. Regardless, I am flattered, and more than willing to be a part of that change. We get to the gym and I once again put on my startup workout song by Seether. It pumps me up on my warmup walk, and I'm feeling good. Then I start the 3 minute segment. It seems harder today than normal, but I push on.

During the first 5 minute segment I feel as if time has slowed down, and even though I'm moving fast, everything else is moving slowly. I try to focus on that strength that powers me, but instead of strength today I feel fatigue - yet I push past it and entice my body to feel stronger. At 3-1/2 minutes, my lungs start to give me trouble, and I know I'm in for a real struggle now. I find myself in that battle with my mind and body, and I find myself begging my lungs to let me continue. I want so badly to be able to continue on to next week, and I can't do that if I can't make it through this workout. Finally I compromise, and at 4 minutes, I slow to my fast walk.

But my lungs are not done with their battle yet. They continue to inflame and I can feel each bronchiole slowly closing off with each step I take. At this point I am so frustrated, and I want to continue on but I start to acknowledge that my body is going to win this one. I know what will happen if I don't stop, and I really don't want to make a scene in the gym, especially since I left my inhaler home today. So I give in and slow my walk even more. I accept that for today, 1.5 miles in 22 minutes will have to be good enough.

As I drive home, I know I have two options. I can choose to be frustrated and upset that I couldn't accomplish my workout today, especially after making so much progress during the week, or I can choose to accept and appreciate the fact that my body told me when it could handle no more. I learned an important lesson in yoga yesterday. I can hate the things in my life that I can't control, expending useless and obscene amounts of energy, or I can merely accept them, acknowledge they are there, and live with them.

Today I have chosen the latter, and it feels good knowing that I listened. It looks like I will have to repeat this workout one more day this week, but it feels good making that decision. I know that I will "Rise Above This" in the words of Seether, and somehow knowing that makes it so much easier.

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