Waiting for Dessert

This is quite amazing.. I sort of borrowed it from another blog so I hope that was okay, and thanks. ;0)

It puts into words perfectly how I feel. :)

Waiting for Dessert...

This is a beautiful, beautiful story written by Christine Dallimore at We Are All Mothers. Somedays, it's only imagining that dessert, meant specifically for us, that keeps me going.

"Imagine yourself dressed up in your finest clothes. You and your sweet husband are attending a dinner together in one of the nicest restaurants in town. You both have planned, waited and saved for this evening. To say the least, you are very excited! You and your husband arrive and the atmosphere is more than you expected. Everyone around you is having a good time. The chandeliers are sparkling, candles are glowing and sweet soft music is playing in the background. To your pleasant surprise you see others there you know. You are seated with them and in your heart you think there just couldn't be anything better!

The table is just exquisite. Breathtaking really. The people at your table begin to talk to you in jolly conversation. You glance at the menu and you don't even know where to begin! You look over everything slowly and carefully, especially the dessert menu! All of your life you have been hearing about this restaurant's marvellous and divine desserts. Deep in your heart, you have been looking forward to enjoying dessert the most!

Everyone at your table orders their food. For dessert they all order chocolate cake. You think, "Hey that sounds perfect. I'll have chocolate cake too please." The waiter nods in approval and quickly swifts off to put in your order. In the meantime, you are still enjoying the surroundings, the music and the company. You grab your husband's hand and sigh "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

The food comes and everything looks just pleasing. Some of the things you tasted you really love, some of the things you didn't. Either way, you know that dessert is on its way. That thought in and of itself is just exciting! Then you see him, your waiter! Your wonderful, blessed waiter with a silver tray full of plates of chocolate cake! He comes and starts handing out plates to those you know. You look at the cake and to put it simply, it looks just divine. You're even more excited now! The waiter comes to your side and then passes you and your husband. You are shocked and think there must be some mistake. you don't know what to do, but rather than make a fuss you think, "Just wait, I will get my chocolate cake soon too."

Those that have their dessert are going on and on about how amazing the taste is. You smile, you are truly happy for them. Deep down you are anxious and their feelings only feed your curiosity and desire. Then you see the waiter again and think, "Ahhh, here he is." You notice that he starts handing out seconds and thirds to those that have already had their piece of cake. Your husband doesn't notice, he's busy chatting with the fellow next to him! Deep down though you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know something is wrong, something is very, very wrong.

You ask the waiter, "Excuse me please. Where is my chocolate cake that I ordered"? The waiter just replies, "The baker has said that you must wait." He rushes off and not another word is said. Time goes on. You still enjoy the surroundings, the people and the conversations. All the while though, you can't get chocolate cake out of your mind. Time keeps creeping by and soon your husband notices too, "Where is our dessert?" You hold his hand and look into his loving eyes and think, "Even without chocolate cake, life is still good."

Time, however, creeps and it creeps. At moments it seems like it has even stopped. It's getting late and people are noticing you haven't received your dessert yet. Questions start arising and you just don't know how to respond. You look around other tables and notice that people are also getting their third, fourth and fifth servings of dessert. "Why" is all you have to lean upon.

You notice that others have ordered things for dessert besides chocolate cake. There is cherry pie, brownie ice cream sundaes, raspberry cheesecakes and such. They seem just as pleased, if not more pleased with their desserts and you wonder, "Should I order cherry pie too"? You talk to the waiter and he simply says, "I'm sorry ma'am, you just need to be patient and wait."

You are starting to burn inside. Despite all of your best efforts you are beginning to boil. You really want to jump on top of the table and stomp while shouting, "Where is my chocolate cake?" You don't though because you know that will get you no where! Instead you look around and notice that there are some that are refusing their chocolate cake. "It will make me fat" one says. "Ugh. I have enough already" another states. One woman, simply dumps her beautiful chocolate cake onto the floor.

As you look deeper around you, you notice there are a few others that are waiting too. Your heart goes out to them. You smile and wish there was something more you could do. You know their pain and it hurts. It really hurts.

Finally, the waiter comes and he has chocolate cake on that familiar beautiful silver platter...and he has enough for two. One for your husband and one for you! Your so elated with joy that you can't hardly stand it!!! You tell everyone at your table and they are just as happy for you. "We knew it would happen" they say. "You just needed to relax"! Little did they know that deep inside relaxing was the last thing you were feeling! You look at your husband. Tears are in both of your eyes. You carefully take a taste. It's such sweet, sweet perfection. You go to take another and just before you do the waiter comes and gently takes your plates away. "Something is wrong" he says. "Don't worry my dear, the time is soon."

There's confusion. Sadness. Anger. Above all though, you are just deeply and truly heartbroken. Heartbroken to the very core. You don't know what to do. You turn to others for support. They cry with you and too ask why. You take a deep breath and find the strength to go on. You have been given the promise that you will receive dessert. It is just not understood as to when. You decide to put your full trust in the baker. You reach far inside within yourself and find the effort to ask your husband to dance.

He looks at you and smiles..."Yes, I would love to dance with you my dear one." You both get up, leave the table and set off to dance.

As you are dancing, you get your bearings. You again begin to notice your surroundings. The beautiful surroundings that have so magically grabbed your attention in the first place. You remember the music, the sounds, the smell of the sweet flowers. You breath. That's all you can do. You breath and slowly begin to enjoy the moment again. Slowly, it all comes back to you. The things you love. Being with the person you love the most. The pains you have just felt are still there. Still vulnerable, but you feel life again. Yes, life is still good.

After quite a few dances, you both decide it's time to sit at your table. People still have their desserts and their chocolate cakes. Your space is still empty. You decide, however, to really focus on those around you. In doing so you find more joy. The desire for dessert is still there- but it's manageable. Time moves on.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, your waiter appears. He has the biggest smile on his face. He is pleased to announce that you and your husband's dessert is finally here!! Your heart wells up with joy, but you're afraid too. You ask the waiter, "Will you take it away"? "No, this one was made especially for you." You smile back, hardly believing that this could be true or real. You look at it and it's not a dessert you have ever seen before. It's then that you realize that the baker has made a dessert with all of your favorite colors and flavors. Careful detail was lovingly taken into every consideration. "How did He know that this is exactly what I wanted"? The waiter just smiles and says, "Because he knows and loves you." If you look, you can see him there. You look and at the door, through the little round window you see a gentle man with tears in his eyes. He is grinning from ear to ear and looking at you and your husband. You can't hardly see anymore because of all of the happy tears. You whisper a big "Thank You" and in your heart you feel that this simple phrase will never be enough.

You look at the people around you, they too have tears in their eyes. They too are smiling from ear to ear. Everything is so precious and tender now- even more so than when you first arrived here. It's then that you learn that the pains you have felt all along the way. The waiting, the crying, the agony. It's all been a special recipe to make this moment this much more wonderful and sacred.

In your soul you take a deep breath and slowly let out a big sigh of gratitude.

You grab your husband's hand and sigh again, "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

One of Those Days

I don't really keep up on this, but maybe I should start to a little more. :) I had sort of a crazy day today and tonight I am left feeling anxious and a bit empty. Everyone's blogs seem so happy and I'm so glad for the people who are - don't get me wrong I am very happy with my life - but there are bits and pieces that just suck, to put it bluntly. If I can't be real on a blog, where can I be? It's definitely hard for me to just put myself out there because I don't do that. I admit I sometimes have a hard time expressing my feelings to those closest to me. I am praying at the moment that nobody reads this, but if you do, consider yourself lucky I guess.

I'm scared. I'm not really afraid of the future, but I'm afraid for the things I can't control. I understand that adversity is given to us to make us stronger, but it's scary at the same time. It's even scarier and much harder to bear when I feel like no one understands and can sympathize with what I am going through. I put on a brave face, and yes, most of the time I am just fine but sometimes I would like nothing better than to just cry.

I'm afraid to admit that I am afraid, if that makes sense. Some days I am terrified that my dreams won't come true. I am happy with what I have, but I yearn for what I do not yet have. I know I need to learn patience, and I think I have done a pretty good job of it so far, but obviously I need to learn more. It seems that every problem I have had in my life to this point that seemed so incredibly significant at the time is so minor and unimportant compared to what I have had to face recently. It's like a bad dream that I hope will come to an end soon.

I have very vivid dreams consistently about my babies being placed in my arms and I wake up to sheer disappointment. There is no greater nightmare than waking up from bliss and realizing it was just a dream. I see their sweet little faces and I feel greater joy than I have ever experienced in my lifetime, and wake up to disappointment. Why does my subconscious taunt me so?

Part of me wants to blame myself for some deed that warranted this struggle, but I know in my heart that's not true. I know I will have a family some day, but I don't know if I will ever get to experience pregnancy, and that scares me so much! I want to experience every part of it, even being sick and being so tired I can't stand it. I hope for those things, as crazy as it sounds. I don't want to be that girl that everyone feels like they need to be careful around when talking about babies. Looking back over the past year and a half, I am so, so grateful it hasn't happened. I love my husband dearly and I treasure every moment we have together, just us. It was never my intention to rush things, but part of me is scared that if we don't go for this now it will only get harder.

I am not a depressed nor a depressing person. I make it a habit to face challenges head on and look for the best in situations, but dang it, this one is hard. It's really, really hard. I try so hard to be brave and optimistic and sometimes it beats me. Today is one of those days.

Sorry, but Cowboys started in the West.

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but lately country singers from down south are adding cowboys to their songs... like that's what makes them country! Frankly, I don't like it. I believe Cowboys (and Cowgirls) started in the West, and they shouldn't act like they invented it! I am willing to acknowledge that I might be a little uneducated about the subject, so I did some research in order to not sound like an idiot when I'm stating my opinion.

Most of the variations of "country" music DID start in the South. It started out as a mix of traditional folk music, celtic music, and old-time music and it was eventually popularized in Nashville, of course. This type of music was originally called hillbilly music, but since that's a little degrading, it was changed to country music in the 1940's. However, there was another type of "country" music that became popular in the 30's and 40's which consisted of Cowboy songs. Cowboy songs had been recorded since the 1920's and became popular in Hollywood Cowboy films.

Anyway, there are many definitions of country. In the South, early country consists of Hillbilly Boogie (Delmore Brothers), folk, bluegrass, and gospel (Red Foley), Honky Tonk (Hank Williams) and Rockabilly (Elvis Presley), to name a few. Nashville's modernized country includes more of a pop sound, and is called Countrypolitan (Patsy Cline, Tammy Wynette, etc.), moving on to Country Rock in the 60's which was made further popular in the following decades by singers such as Garth Brooks, Dolly Parton, Dwight Yoakam, etc. A few other genres of southern country include Outlaw Country (David Allan Coe, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson) and Neocountry (Charlie Daniels Band).

Today's Country Pop has roots in Countrypolitan and Country Rock, and has combined these popular genres to pretty much rule the radiowaves today, and it started out in the 70's with singers such as the Bellamy Brothers, John Denver, and the Eagles.

Now here's a little lesson in Country WESTERN music. While not as diversified as the South, Country Western does have some good roots. :) Of course we have the Singing Cowboys, as mentioned above, who included Gene Autry and Roy Rogers. Then we have a variation called Western Swing, which was a combination of Country and Jazz, and was made popular by Bob Wills, Tex Williams, and Spade Cooley.

Fun little fact: Bob Wills was one of the first ever known to add electric guitar to his band... nice work Bob!

In 1962, Ray Charles surprised the pop world and turned his musical talent to Country and Western music and topped the charts with "Can't Stop Loving You." In my research, I stumbled upon something I have never heard of before, called the Bakersfield sound, originating out of Bakersfield, CA; hence the name. :) It is a mix of hard core Honky Tonk mixed with Western Swing, and leading practitioners of this genre include Bob Wills, Merle Haggard, and Buck Owens. We as Westerners can also lay claim to Truck Driving Country (whoo hoo!) which is a mixture of Honky-Tonk, Country Rock, and the Bakersfield Sound. Its lyrics focus on a truck driving lifestyle and deal with trucks and love. The father of Truck Driving country is Dave Dudley.

All right, now that I've seen a breakdown of what Country music actually entails, I guess it's okay that they steal our Cowboys every once in a while. After all, they are dominating the Country market down there in Nashville, which is the Country Kingdom, so to speak. But I will definitely remain proud as can be of the Country Western that started around my neighborhood; of the Cowboys who roamed the plains, invented Cowboy Poetry around campfires, lived for rodeos, and the TRUE cowboys who wrote about "These Western Skies."

The Bucket List

This is something I have had for a while, and something I like to update every year or so... I thought why not post it? What actually inspired my "bucket list" was the movie, "A Walk to Remember" based on the book written by Nicholas Sparks, one of my favorite authors. So read it if you want to, make your own, or just think about it! It's a great way to make sure you're living the life you want right now, instead of just thinking about it.

I have placed an X by the things I have accomplished. :)


1. Learn how to drive a motorcycle.

2. Ride a motorcycle on Route 66. X


3. Learn how to scuba dive or snorkel. X

4. Learn how to surf.

5. Learn how to snowboard. X

6. Learn how to waterski. X

7. Conquer a fear: Water.

8. Be independent. X

9. Buy a house.

10. Decorate an entire house. X

11. Help a needy child. X

12. Buy a handbag in Paris.

13. Go to Italy. Go to Rome and tour the famous architecture there, including St. Peter's Square and the Vatican.

14. Go to Austria and see the Vienna Boys Choir perform in the Imperial Chapel in Vienna.

15. See the Vienna Boys Choir. X

16. See the Statue of Liberty.

17. Go to a pro football game.

18. Meet Martina McBride.

19. Record a song.

20. Write a song. X

21. Sing for more than 1,000 people at one time. X

22. Go to college. X

23. Graduate from college.

24. Date 100 people. X

25. Go to Israel.

26. Read the Bible.

27. Read the Book of Mormon. X

28. Have long hair. X

29. Sing in the Tabernacle Choir.

30. Be a flight attendant. Almost.. I interviewed, and then decided it was something I didn't want to do.

31. Host a party. X

32. Learn Karate. X

33. Be in a swimsuit contest. X

34. Play in the rain. X

35. Go to Mexico. X

36. Buy a sportscar.

37. Take a photography class.

38. Adopt a child.

39. Raise a family.

40. Fall in love. X

41. Go shopping in New York City.

42. Go to the opera.

43. Climb a radio tower. X

44. Own a pair of stilettos. X

45. Eat sushi. X

46. Stay in an expensive hotel. X

47. Save a life. X

48. Go to the temple.

49. Learn about a different culture. X

50. Own a Jeep.

51. Own a truck. X

52. Learn how to dance: Swing X
Latin X
Ballet X
Hip-hop X

53. Teach a class. X

54. Inspire someone. X

55. Go to South America.

56. Be successful. X

57. Go rock climbing. X

58. Go to the Garden of Gethsemane.

59. Be a model. X

60. Act in a play. X

61. Write a book. X - Not finished... a work in progress.

62. Publish a poem or essay. X

63. Run a half marathon.

64. Learn how to golf. 

65. Ride a horse. X

66. Ride a camel across sand dunes.

67. Go off-roading in Moab.

68. See the Narrows in Southern Utah. X

69. See the Arches. X

70. Drive a 63 Corvette with a split window.

71. Ride an elephant.

72. Act in a movie.  X

73. Go to a Broadway show. X

74. Hike through Kolob Canyon. X

75. Go to a ballet. X

76. Be a mother.

77. Own a store.

78. Go on a cruise. X

79. See an old southern plantation. X

80. Get married. X

82. Move across the country.

83. Go to a movie alone.

84. Drive across the country.

85. Tour Europe.

86. Adopt a puppy. X


87. Go to a cemetery in Europe.


88. Tour Versailles and the Arc de Triumphe in France. And the Louvre would be pretty cool.


89. Go to London.


90. Buy a pair of really expensive shoes.


91. Own a purple Softail Harley... deep purple only when the sun shines.


92.  Build a successful business from the ground up.


93.  Sing karaoke.


94.  Climb a mountain.


95.  Climb to Ben Lomond Peak 


96.  Run a full marathon.


97.  Practice yoga in Bali.


98.   Go to India.


99.  Learn and practice Astanga yoga.


100.  Become a yoga instructor.  X

Tribute to a Best Friend

For those of you who don't know her, this is my friend Lindsy. We have been best friends since we met at age 15. She moved in next door when my neighbor married her dad, and we were inseparable after that! We have been through everything: Overalls, divorce, Girl Talk, learning to drive, kissing boys to first relationships with boys, new families, old families, and just about every awkward thing a teenager can go through! More than that, we have maintained our friendship in the years following high school - and recently became best friends again.



Lindsy is a great person - one thing most people notice about her is her selflessness. She is all about helping other people, all the time. She has had an interesting life - and it's one that gets her in trouble sometimes - not by her own doing, but by others' inability to understand and be mature and accepting of consequences they can't control. I won't go into it because it's really not my business, but it makes me so sad to see somebody just openly badmouthing my best friend!


Lindsy is an honest, open, and caring person, and she would never intentionally hurt another person. It makes me really sad that she is the target of such nastiness and anger. I wish there was something I could do for her - I know it hurts her and her family. She and Derin are absolutely wonderful people and wonderful parents, and most people who read this blog know them and their story.


Lindsy and Derin have 13 children - 11 by Derin's previous marriage, and 2 of she and Derin's. Embree is 7 and Kinleigh is 2.






Embree

Lindsy and Kinleigh

Sorry I couldn't find a bigger pic!

I just want to give a shout out to Lindsy, for braving the storm. Reading the nasty comments made about Lindsy on Derin's ex-wife's blog made me realize that Lindsy is going through a lot more pain than I even knew. I just want her to know that I love her, and that I am here for her. There are many, many people whose lives she has touched and she is truly someone to look up to. I admire her every day for her courage. I admire what a great wife and mother she is. I mostly admire what a genuine and giving person she is. She is always willing to do anything for anybody.






Most of all, she is always willing to do what's best for her family and her friends. She is a great example of a true friend, and one that I am consistently trying to be more like. :)

Our House

So, our house has intrigued me from the first day I met it! Anyone who knows me knows I love love love houses and just about everything to do with them. Call me strange, but I talk to my house. I feel it has been neglected for so long it needs some love and assurance. :) Dustin bought our house about 4 years ago as a foreclosure, and it was a mess! Our neighbor told us it was a party house for the Weber State basketball team, so I'm sure you can imagine! Dustin told me he spent a month cleaning our house from floor to ceiling. The picture above was taken at Halloween.

We have done some work to it since I moved in and have really enjoyed our home improvement time together. There is still a lot we want to do, and I will keep you posted as we do more! A lot of people say they would never want to live in an old house, and I thought I was one of them. However, my old house has completely changed my mind! It has such character and such history that I can't help but be in love with it despite its shortcomings. :)

I had some bridal pictures taken on my front porch. :)

I have wanted to dig up some history on my house for a while but didn't quite know how to. The other day I went to the Weber Center in Ogden and asked the assessor how I would go about finding old records on my house. She sent me to the vault (yes, there is actually a real vault with public records!) and a cute little lady helped me. The assessor's office has it recorded that our house was built in 1917, so we looked in the book with that date range.

Getting ready to paint the dining room...

The book was in handwritten cursive, and it was tiny! Thank goodness we have always kept records though, or I would never be able to find anything out! We found our block and looked up the records for it. The first thing we found was a transfer of property for part of the block on June 23, 1913. Lucky for me, there was only one record on the whole block, and we have thought for a while that our house was the oldest on the block, so this confirmed it!

Dustin in his coveralls!! :)

What was interesting as I continued down the page for more information was another transfer, and the property was bought for 500 dollars by a J.P. Corry and his wife, Olive. J.P. Corry then took out the first mortgage recorded on July 14, 1913 for the amount of 1800 dollars with 8% interest! Ouch! So we concluded that the construction actually began in 1913 since you can't take a mortgage out on property. In February of 1914 J.P. Corry then borrowed another 2000 from a man named Dan Pugh. It's crazy that I could find all this information! I really consider myself quite lucky because I've heard how hard it can be.

I now believe that the house was completed in 1914, as on October 22, 1914, our house was sold to a lady named Ella M.A. Greenwell in the amount of 3500 dollars. I figured nobody is going to buy a half-finished house, especially a woman! I thought it was also interesting that her name was the only one that appeared. I am going to have to do some more digging. I want to find out more information about her, as I think she is the original owner of our house. I made it to the year 1936 so far, and Ella was still living there. I am going to go back and get a complete timeline, but I definitely want to know more about Ella.

I called my mom, who is the Internet guru - she can find ANYTHING online - and gave her Ella's name. Five minutes later she called me with a lot more information! Ella's maiden name was Morton, and she was the daughter of Ruther Verna Leavitt and William Anthony Morton. She married David Verne Greenwell, and my mom even found a marraige license, but it will cost me to get it. I'm going to look into it.

Here's the crazy part - while I was on the phone with my mom I was standing in my dining room, and when I said Ella Greenwell out loud, I seriously got chills! It could be that it's just crazy to think that she used to live in my house, but I think her name has not been spoken in my house for years and years, and it was a cool feeling. I would absolutely love to find a picture of her to keep in my house, as she is part of its history.

I am so excited to be finding out bits and pieces of my house's history. I think it's important, and hopefully when we decide to move it will be something that the next owners will treasure.

So there's some history on my house! The rest is still a mystery, but I'm digging it up! I will post more pictures when I get them organized. Sorry so long - I tend to write novels. I hope it wasn't boring! :)