I Want to Be Remembered

Yesterday was an interesting day.  It was the 11th anniversary of 9/11, and I tend to find myself thinking about my life on that day, although yesterday more so than usual.  Sometimes life sneaks up on you and slaps you in the face as if to say, "Wake up stupid, start LIVING!"  I actually like to think I do a pretty good job at this thing called life, but I guess even I need a little reminder.

My doctor called me to tell me to get my butt in for an ultrasound of my liver, so naturally I complied.  I honestly wasn't too worried about it until I started having pain over the weekend.  Then those creepy little "What If" words started prying their way into my brain.  I did my best to push them aside until the day of the exam.  I hate worry.  Worry is a big green monster that has no purpose but to cause stress.  The thing about Worry is that you can't do anything about it because you don't know what the problem is, so how can you fix it?  

So, exam day arrives (9/11) and I find myself reflecting on how on this day 11 years ago, I was at this same exact hospital donating blood for the very first time.  I was 17 years old and had to get special permission from my mom.  They told me they were sending my blood to the site in New York, as my blood type is the Universal type, so they could most definitely use it.  They even informed me they were rushing the processing and it would be there in less than 48 hours.  Kind of cool for a 17-year-old.  I wonder who received that blood?  Since then I have donated many times, but I think I'm going to start a tradition of donating on 9/11, as my personal remembrance of that day.  

Anyway, I arrive for my ultrasound and the tech reviews my prior CT scan and MRI, and walks in saying, "Wow, that thing's impressive!"  I tell her "Um... that's not exactly what I want to hear... haha."  So she starts the ultrasound and as she's taking measurements she's like, "Whoa, have you had this thing biopsied?!" As I reply no, that's what the ultrasound is supposed to determine, she says, "Well are you going to?"  It's been my experience with ultrasound techs that they seem to lack a certain bedside empathy of sorts. I do my best to brush it aside, and as we finish, she lets me know my doctor will probably be in touch with me today.  

I don't know a lot about the human body, but from my experience in the medical field and with medical transcription, I do know this:  The liver is a tricky little SOB.  If you touch it, resect it, or even biopsy it, it has a tendency to be a major bleeder.  So naturally I don't want anyone touching mine!  Dustin asks me what I think as we get in the car, and I tell him I'm nervous. He tells me not to worry, but he thinks I'm probably going to need a biopsy.  Meh.  

The day goes on, and the hours seem to just slow down.  I'm not feeling well, and I don't know if it's due to nerves, or if I'm really fighting something.  I go to work and all I can find myself thinking about is those darn What Ifs.  Trying to shift my focus elsewhere, I dive into my daily duties when I arrive at work. However, my body takes over and I'm nauseous and feverish, so I head home and ultimately decide a nap is the best medicine for my body and my brain.  As I'm driving home, I think about my life insurance.  I know, I'm an insurance agent so naturally I would think of that, right?  WRONG.  I think about it because what would I do?  I honestly started thinking about how my policy would affect those left behind.  Luckily, I just increased my coverage so thankfully I'm leaving Dustin with enough to pay off debt and hopefully he can invest the rest and enjoy it.  

Here's the strange part - something I have NEVER thought about.  If I die young, I want to leave my family with something.  I don't have children yet, but I would like to leave my parents and siblings with a little something.  I didn't realize this before.  So in my brain I start divvying my life insurance policy, and I find I have enough to do this - but is it REALLY enough?  

Seriously, it's kind of stressful!  Anyway, at this point I told my brain to SHUT UP for now, and I arrived home for a nap.  A few hours later my doctor called. 

A thousand things could have been flying through my mind at this point, but surprisingly my mind was clear (must have been the nap).  He told me that while it's large, it hasn't changed and they think it's stable.  The recommendation is to leave it alone unless it grows or causes problems, so he was very relieved, as I was to hear it!!  

Dustin was out working in the yard, so I went and told him, and I could see the relief on his face.  The thing about Dustin is he's super tough mentally, so he'll never say he was worried, but he was definitely happy about the news.  It's a good thing he's tough, cos one of us needs to be.  :)  It works really well for us and I'm so grateful for him.  

At this point I have a new appreciation looking forward, and I have a feeling that's the lesson I was meant to learn.  I have been getting caught up in the daily grind, and that's something I can't do.  It's not me.  So this was a reminder for me to shake things up, and find balance.  There are many, many things I want to do with my life, and I don't ever want to face death knowing I didn't live chasing my dreams.  I am going to live each day relishing the simple things - and I am going to chase after the big things.  I am going to enjoy this beautiful Earth that God has given me, and I am going to live with an open and grateful heart.  I am going to be the best me I can be, and I want to touch others' lives in a positive way.  I want to be remembered, but more importantly, I want to know deep down in my heart that I did it all.  And that will be enough.  

~NAMASTE~

The Great Ben Lomond Hike

When we first moved to Utah from California, my mom took us up to North Ogden to see the house that my great-grandfather built, waaaay up on the hill.  She told us that at the time, it was the only house up there.  Nestled on the hill right up against the great Ben Lomond, the backyard made way to orchards and looked over all of Ogden.  She told me how my great-grandpa Blaylock would ride his horse up and over the North Ogden divide into Liberty, and how he made countless treks up to Ben Lomond Peak, where there was a flagpole and a box with a register for those adventurous enough to climb the steep mountain.  He had made these trips his entire life, and his father had also done the same.  My mom used to look through her binoculars as a child and she could make out the U.S. Flag topping the great peak.  She has many fond memories of this house, and though Grandpa Blaylock died relatively young, she has passed on many stories to us of the Naval Officer who traveled the world, but called North Ogden home.

Ben Lomond Peak as seen from North Ogden

I remember the first time I looked up at that great peak, beautiful, majestic, and looming.  There is something so intriguing about this peak among all other peaks in Utah - it called to me.  I don't know if its because of the stories of my great-grandfather, because of its empowering beauty, or simply just because, but that first time I set eyes on the Great Ben Lomond Peak I wanted to be up there, looking down at all of Ogden and see what my great and great-great grandfathers saw.  

I was about 12 years old when I decided this.  Unfortunately for me, I had been diagnosed with asthma about 3 years before, and was on chronic inhaler therapy.  My poor weak lungs could not handle aerobic activity, much less the elevation gain I would encounter while climbing the majestic Ben Lomond.  I set this desire in the back of my mind, but every time my attention drew northward, my eyes settled on the peak, and the wishing/hoping/waiting continued.  

I journeyed through school and went on to college, not thinking too much about this dream I had of climbing Ben Lomond.  I think a part of me had decided it would never be possible, so I settled for staring at it from below, enjoying its grandeur from the ground.  I enjoyed hiking along the Bonneville Shoreline trail with my mother, and occasionally with friends, at a slow even pace that allowed us to explore without losing our breath.  

Later, as my journey through life continued, I found my way to fitness and better health, ultimately kicking my asthma to the curb.  (This story can be found under the Journey to Health and Fitness tab of this blog, if you want to know more).  Last summer, I took up hiking again off and on, just as something fun to do on the weekends, but didn't really think much of going anywhere with it.  As my lungs continued to gain strength through running, a new fire burned in my heart, and last August, I decided I would climb to the peak by the end of THIS summer, giving me a year to prepare, and prepare I did!  

I have spent the better part of this summer hiking all over the mountains in my backyard, to include Malan's Peak, the Indian Trail, Taylor Canyon, Adams Canyon, Waterfall Canyon, Snow Basin, and the Bonneville Shoreline trail from Rainbow Gardens.  In June, I scheduled the Great Ben Lomond hike to take place on August 11.  We decided to take the Skyline Trail, which starts from the North Ogden Divide and climbs up along the spine all the way to the peak, stretching 8.2 miles one way.   

August 11, 2012 was a gorgeous summer Saturday.  Our group of 6 started bright and early, and the morning was cool and damp, making a great start to our trek.  We were all excited and full of energy, and we carried plenty of food and water in our packs.  We slathered on the sunscreen and began our journey.  The trail started out shaded as it switched back along the mountain side, and we stopped occasionally to snap a few pictures of the beautiful morning.  

In the Parking Lot, Ready to Go!

Looking Over Liberty as the Sun Comes Up

We continued our trek north around the backside of the mountain, alongside Liberty.  Gorgeous tall pines shaded the trail with an occasional glimpse of the open fields and green valley quieted by the early morning hours.  The trail eventually opened into a meadow, and we continued to make our way up along the backside of the mountain's spine.  After heading north for a ways, the trail switched back, and as we came around the corner, we caught our first glimpse of Ben Lomond since starting the trail, about 4-5 miles in:  

Ben Lomond Peak, with Willard Bay in the background

It was absolutely stunning.  Words cannot quite express the awe, joy, and anticipation I felt in that moment.  All I could do was stop and stare.  The trail now continued North again, still along the spine, but on the opposite side.  We now had views of the entire valley, and could see everything!  Willard Bay, the Great Salt Lake, and the cities lining the Wasatch Front, all the way down to Layton with Antelope Island and beyond.  

Looking South from the hillside with East North Ogden in the foreground

We stopped multiple times along the trail at this point to take in the breathtaking views...

The trail continues northward and eventually comes to a peak of sorts, where we stopped for lunch.  There were red ants everywhere, so we hung our packs on what we creatively dubbed "The Backpack Tree".    

The Backpack Tree

Feeling refreshed after our break, we continued along the trail, which wound along the backside for a moment before making it's way back to the ridge.  At this point, the slopes started to become really intense, and the ridges that make up the face of Ben Lomond were striking.  We stopped for some adventurous pics of our feet dangling off the edge before continuing.  

If it's dizzying to look at, imagine how we felt sitting there!!  :)  

We made our way off the ridge and back into a meadow of sorts, edging our way closer and closer to the peak, which still seemed too large to traverse!  Our moods were carefree and easy, just enjoying the sunshine and beauty around us, and dodging the more than occasional dirt bike that zoomed past us on the trail, kicking up dust in its wake.  

Hiking through the meadow with Ben Lomond Peak to the left

At this point, we came to a junction, where the multiple trails that head to Ben Lomond meet, marked by a wooden sign that had been carved years before.  It was barely legible, but let us know we were close!  Only 1.5 miles left to the peak!  

Let's Do This!  Me with Ben Lomond in the background

From here, the dirt and rocks covering the trail we were on turned from brown to a beautiful greyish-purple.  I'm not sure what the reason is for that but we thought it was pretty neat.  :)  At this point, the trail started to climb very quickly.  The last 1.5 mi to this is definitely the hardest.  We pushed each other, complained to each other in a joking but probably a little bit serious manner, and kept a pretty good pace to the top.  The trail starts to switch back pretty drastically about 3/4 of a mile in, and at this point you're climbing the backside of the peak.  The trail is really rocky and it would be easy to lose your footing, so you have to be careful.  There is not a lot of vegetation other than the occasional brightly colored flower:  

I pushed and pushed, and I will admit it got really hard for me.  I had done amazing with my breathing up until this last climb, and the elevation started to fight with my lungs.  I had to take twice as many breaths as my counterparts, and I started to stop about every 50 feet to catch my breath.  It was frustrating, but I pushed through it.  As such, I was the last one to arrive at the peak.  Not only did the trail take my breath away, but the beauty of what I saw combined with the realization that yes, I did it! took my breath away as well.  I stopped, standing alone on the west side of the small peak and took it all in for a few moments.  

Dustin captured my emotional first moments on the peak

I was absolutely overcome with joy.  I was now standing where my great and great-great grandfathers had stood, and seeing the things they saw.  (Well, obviously I was seeing more, as things have changed!)  I shed a few tears as I thought about the journey to this moment in time, and I gave thanks for it.  It's a moment I will remember forever.  

We enjoyed another lunch on the peak and took a few fun pictures of our group:  

Dustin and I taking a break on the rocky peak :)

The views from the peak were incredible, to say the least.  We could see Ogden, Willard Bay, Willard Peak (which is super close - another 2 mi hike from here) and Logan and Eden Valleys.  

Looking down on North Ogden and the Wasatch Mountain Range with Mount Ogden Peak rising up in the distance

The box that used to hold the register is still on the peak, with remnants of the old flag pole my mom talked about.  I was a little disappointed that there is not any sort of current register, just a few notebooks.  So we signed those to leave some sort of mark on the peak.  :)  

Me signing the small notepad in the box

 

The Plaque on the box gives a history of Ben Lomond Peak

No trek is complete without group photos, so the following session ensued:  

Our group with Cache Valley in the background

We then decided that Logan and Cache Valley needed to see the moon... ;0) Being upside down on a mountain top takes perspective to a whole new level!  

The journey down was a bit difficult, not technically, but mentally.  We knew we still had another 8.2 mi to go, and by this time the sun was high in the sky.  Most of the hike is in full sun, so we went through our water supply pretty quickly trying to stay cool.  We picked up the pace and eventually made it down, giving us a total time of 9 hours for 16.5 miles.  We took frequent breaks and 2 long breaks for lunch, so we figured a little over 2 mi per hour is pretty darn good for a bunch of amateurs!  

This was an incredible experience, and I would highly recommend it to anyone.  My only words of advice would be to make sure you are physically fit enough to hike 16.5 mi before you try it!  Take plenty of water and wear lots of sunscreen.  I would recommend a small group over just a couple of people, but either way I think it would be fun.  Keep a light heart and have a tough mind, and you'll love it!  

~ NAMASTE ~

Happy News, Sad News, and the Way the Cookie Crumbles...

It's Saturday morning, 7:49 a.m. to be exact, and I have been awake for almost an hour.  Surprisingly, I find myself with no plans today until later this afternoon, so I decided to update my blog!  Here are some quick updates in the life of Bethany:  


My grandpa is spending his last hours here on Earth - he has colon cancer, and it has begun to manifest.  He has a nearly complete blockage by a large tumor, and his body has started giving in.  He is bedbound as of last week, and I went to see him on Wednesday.  It is so hard to see someone you love in pain.  Luckily he is on pain meds, but the changes from the healthy, robust man I have always known to the frail, weak one I see now is heartbreaking.  When I walked in, he was asleep, but he woke up to see me.  I am grateful that even with the progression of his Alzheimer's disease, he always knows who I am.  He may not know what's going on in my life, but he knows me, and that's all that matters.  

He looked so happy to see me, and he took my hand, kissed it, and held it tight while he just stared at me with so much love in his eyes.  He had trouble speaking, but he was very adamant that I understand just one thing:  He asked me to recite a poem at his funeral.  I told him I would love to, and asked him if he had a specific one in mind.  He just told me on a day he is feeling better, he is going to plan out his funeral in its entirety.  By this time the drugs were taking over and I could tell he was fighting to stay awake, but we gazed at each other for a few more moments and somehow in my heart I knew we were saying goodbye.  It's so hard to say goodbye, but I'm glad we had that moment.  I will remember it forever.  

As I think about the ending of my grandpa's life, I can't help but worry about what this will mean for my grandma.  She is currently in denial - I don't think she wants to think about what her life will be like without him.  They have been married since they were 24 years old, and they have had a long and fulfilling life.  I am currently in the process of gathering pictures so I can give my grandfather a proper tribute, which will hopefully be coming soon.  


CAREER:  
Boy oh boy, the Farmers ride sure has been a crazy one!  From the deadlines, to the stress, to the clients, and the new relationships I build, it's a roller coaster for sure.  I love it - even though some days I come home absolutely exhausted and beat down.  It's empowering, unique, and the things I get to experience are amazing.  I recently went to the University of Farmers in California, and I am SO impressed by the curriculum there.  The classroom is hands down the BEST I have ever been in, and I learned so much, as well as retained so much.  I feel like I learned more there in a week than I did a full 3 years in college!  Other universities and schools could learn a lot by observing how Farmers does it.  No wonder its ranked #1 in the world.  Here's a fun picture I took while there:  

Don't we look studious? ;)

The thing I love most about what I do is the freedom I have.  Sometimes it feels like I work too much (okay, every day!) but it's by MY choice to do so.  I am building an agency, and I'm a business owner.  I make my schedule, and I choose to be successful.  It's so cool when I stop and think about it!!

I am grateful for my life.  For the struggles, for the triumphs, and for the every day tasks that sometimes seem monotonous.  I have chosen to be where I am now, and I'm happy with my choices.